22 Weeks 5 Days

Hello Darling Little Dage!

I had the opportunity to see you again yesterday. It's so fun to see the habits you are already forming. Both times I've seen you, you had your hands up by your face. It seems like you are trying to hide from me. Perhaps you are as scared as I am for you to come into this world. Perhaps you just like to sleep like me - curled up in a ball with your arms pulled in close. It will be interesting to see how you sleep once you are born. 

You have been a very active baby recently. It's been so fun for me to feel you moving around, flipping your position, kicking and punching me. This has been the most exciting time of my life!

Last night my friend Sarah threw a baby shower for Katie's baby, Scarlett, and you. As you know, there are so many people who love you already and are excited to meet you. You are such a blessed little baby! I hope you can always feel the love others have for you, and that you won't be afraid to return their love. I'll write again soon. 

All my love,

Mama

19 Weeks 1 Day

Hello my sweet baby. You've given us quite a good week this past week. First, let me mention that I haven't been feeling nearly as sick as I used to. This is such a huge blessing! I was half sure that I was going to be sick the entire 9 months. I still have food aversions and the occasional upset stomach, but it is much less frequent.

Now, on to the more exciting things. We had our first ultrasound since our last appointment with the fertility specialist. The appointment was scheduled for Monday, but got postponed until Wednesday. That was such a long two days! You see, that was the ultrasound that we planned to find out your gender. And it was a success! You know this now, since you are grown and reading these letters, but you are a boy! We plan to name you Dage Allen Anderson. We have loved this name since we were first married; your dad came up with it. You have so many friends and loved ones who can't wait to meet you! We all love you dearly.

All my love,
Mama

16 Weeks 2 Days

Well, my little one, you sure gave me a run for my money today.

This morning I had to take the trash out to the street for collection, so I also took out the trash from the kitchen. When I threw my small bag into the bin, the smell was pretty awful. I gagged - nothing out of the ordinary. I got the bin to the street and walked back to close the gate and lock the garage door. When I got back to where we keep the bin, it still stunk! I gagged, and gagged again, and threw up. I ran to the front yard because I didn't want to hurl on the carpet inside, spit out what I could, then ran to the bathroom to finish up. Because of this incident, I was late to my doctor appointment.

The appointment seemed pretty typical; everything was going well. I was talking with a clinical student, who then looked for your heartbeat. He couldn't find it. All we could hear was my own heartbeat swishing around where we expected to hear you. I started to take deep breaths and started to prepare myself for the worst - losing you. He went to find the doctor and talk to him about all we had discussed and to have him come find your heartbeat. Dr. Teicher tried and tried, and we thought we heard you for a second or two. He wasn't satisfied with that, so we had a very quick ultrasound. Much to my relief and joy, we found you. You were playing hide and seek behind the placenta, which is why we couldn't hear you with the heartbeat monitor. My child, you nearly gave me a heart attack. I was so terrified that I had lost you, and that I was going to have to deal with the pain, both physical and emotional, of your loss. I have a feeling that this isn't the last time you will give me this feeling. Just know that I love you dearly, and will always love you no matter what happens.

Now, can you please stop making me feel sick all the time? I'd really love to fully enjoy the rest of the time we have together.

All my love,
Mama

11 Weeks 3 Days

Hello my little sweet.

I can't believe we've already spent so much time together! By the way, you have been making me feel very sick all day every day. I did have 1 week of relief, when I joined Dad in Hawaii. He was there for work, so I found a flight for a good price and went to see him and the ocean. I was able to sleep long hours each night, take naps during the day, enjoy delicious food, go snorkeling, and swim in the ocean. We'll take you there someday when you can enjoy it. One thing that was kind of weird - nearly the whole time I was in Hawaii I didn't feel sick. By the time I landed back home, I knew that the sickness wasn't over. These past few days have been some of the worst. I have a hard time sitting at work all day, though I don't know what I would do if I spent my time at home instead. They say that morning sickness goes away after week 12 for most people. Let's hope that's the same for us! If not, that's ok. I will still love you.

This morning as I listened to my Pandora station (I wonder if it will still exist when you read this?), I heard a lullaby called "Baby Mine" by Allison Krauss. Obviously I thought of you, and how much love I have for you even though I haven't met you and you are nearly the size of a lime. Here are the lyrics:

Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
never to part, baby of mine.

Little one when you play,
don't you mind what they say.
Let those eyes sparkle and shine,
never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew sweet little you
they'd end up loving you too.
All of those people who scold you
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes,
you're not much, goodness knows.
But you're so precious to me,
sweet as can be, baby of mine.

If they knew sweet little you,
they'd end up loving you too.
All those same people who scold you,
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes
you're not much, goodness knows.
But you're so precious to me,
sweet as can be, baby of mine.
Baby of mine.

I read on the Internet that you are just over 1 1/2 inches long and are now almost fully formed. Your hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under your gums, and some of your bones are beginning to harden. You're already busy kicking and stretching, and your tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as your body grows and becomes more developed and functional. I won't feel your acrobatics for another month or two — nor will I notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that your diaphragm is forming.

We have less than 75% left of this precious time together, and I will enjoy every minute of it despite my discomforts. You are worth it to me.

All my love,
Mama

8 Weeks

Hello, my little one.

I have been thinking about writing letters to you for some time now, because I have loved reading the things my mom (Nana Fern) wrote about me when I was a baby. You've been making me so very nauseated the last couple of weeks; going to work has been extremely difficult. Fortunately you don't make me throw up, but still.. being nauseated is awful. This was not the first feeling I've had since knowing you exist. Let me tell you about the night I found out about you.

Dad and I have been wanting a child for 3 years. We had been married for 3 and a half years when we decided it was time to start a family. Imagine our surprise and sadness when it did not happen right away... or within a year... or within a couple of years. The emotions of infertility are not an easy thing to deal with. When I started my job at BCBS (Blue Cross and Blue Shield) we decided that we would try seeing an infertility specialist. We tried several rounds of Chlomid (which often helps women get pregnant - it's how Aunt Katie got pregnant), but to no avail. We tried a process called IUI (in-utero insemination), and that didn't work either. Dad had to work out of town a lot this summer, so I stopped taking all of the medications I was on. Toward the beginning of August 2013 my body started behaving differently. I was feeling pain where I didn't normally feel it, and the timing of natural cycles was off. There was no way I could be pregnant, because I wasn't on any medications and Dad was out of town so often. One day, after talking to a nurse, I decided I would try taking a pregnancy test. Dad was in Hawaii at the time, and I was babysitting someone else's 5 children overnight at their house. That night I had met with the bishopric and was called to be the Young Women's President in our new ward (Canyon Heights). I took the test, and had to wait 5 minutes to see the result. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and got ready for bed, never looking at the test but closely watching the time. When the time was finally up I looked. And it told me I was going to have you. I started crying tears of joy; I wanted to shout! I jumped up and down and ran around the living room, then called your dad. He was at dinner with some friends and was just shocked. Although we had hoped and prayed for you to join us, we sure didn't expect you to come at that time. We waited a few days for confirmation via a blood test before we told our families. They were all just so excited!

I haven't stopped smiling since, even in my sickness. I love you, my little darling. I don't know that I have loved anyone or anything more than I love you now. You are such a special blessing, a miracle really. I often cry tears of joy, thanking our Heavenly Father for sending you to us. We will love you forever. Can't wait to meet you!! It feels like forever until you will be here... only 32 weeks to go. Your official due date is April 19, 2014. That day can't come quickly enough.

All my love,
Mama